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This is Our Family

Rosana Jamous helps her daughter Sarah choose from traditional Thanksgiving foods and Middle Eastern fare. Photo by Bill Goehring.

Sioux Falls is South Dakota’s melting pot, with over 120 languages spoken in its schools. Moving to the rural Midwest can be a shock for immigrants trying to learn a new culture and new traditions. Thanks to restaurateur Sanaa Abourezk, the city’s Middle Eastern community has fully embraced one of America’s most loved holidays — Thanksgiving.

Abourezk and her husband James, who served as South Dakota’s U.S. congressman and senator in the 1970s, met while Abourezk was working at the Embassy of Qatar in Washington, D.C. Once married, the couple moved to Rapid City, but Sanaa was lonely so they relocated to Sioux Falls where she quickly befriended other immigrants from her home country of Syria and neighboring countries.

“We used to get together and the kids played,” Abourezk says.”Then it dawned on us that the kids go to school and they hear about Thanksgiving. ‘My grandma made this. My aunt made this.'” So the friends decided to celebrate the quintessential American holiday together to give their children that communal experience.

Farid Kutayli and his wife Salwa hosted the first few gatherings in their home about 15 years ago. But the celebration quickly relocated to the Abourezks’ restaurant, Sanaa’s 8th Street Gourmet, in downtown Sioux Falls.”If we know somebody who moved to town we also invite them because we want them to have Thanksgiving with us as a family,” Abourezk says.”Last year I think we had about 60 adults and we have kids running all over. That’s why no house can fit us anymore.”

Khalil Yousef photographs the growing group each year. “They’re not blood relatives, but for us this is the family,” he says. “That’s really the key. It makes you feel like you belong and that you’re not alone. The good food is a bonus.”

Abourezk made all the food when she first hosted the Thanksgiving party in her restaurant but she was too exhausted to enjoy the party, so now the gathering is potluck. Abourezk still provides the turkeys and American staples like baked breads, mashed potatoes and corn. It is common for platters of green bean casserole and sweet potatoes to sit beside Arabic delicacies like kibbeh (bulgar wheat mixed with beef or lamb, topped with pine nuts), kanafeh (a cheese pastry soaked in sugary syrup) or hashwet ruz (a rice pilaf that the group prefers over bread stuffing).

Raed Sulaiman, a pathologist, dons an apron to carve the turkeys.”My little one is always excited to see it,” says Rosana Jamous, a stay-at-home mom to three daughters.”The kids, their eyes are so big watching.” The bird isn’t unusual to the adults; it’s commonly served on Christmas in Lebanon and on Easter in Syria. A prayer follows the carving, sometimes spoken in Spanish because students study it in high school”and if you say the Thanksgiving prayer in Spanish at your Thanksgiving you get extra credit,” says Alya, Abourezk’s daughter.”Usually we end up doing it in English, especially for the kids because none of us speak Arabic well.”

Christiane Maroun, a pediatrician, recalls introducing herself to a newcomer last year as she waited in line for food.”She was expecting a baby and she said, ‘Oh, I’m so happy that somebody here is from Lebanon so I will be more comfortable bringing my baby to you,'” Maroun says.”She was so relieved she wouldn’t need a translator.”

Riyad Mohama, a cardiologist, and his wife Rima, a pharmacist, moved to Sioux Falls 22 years ago. The transition wasn’t easy; they came in January to a lot of snow.”I told my husband, ‘I don’t think I’m going to be staying here for a long time. We should move somewhere else,'” Rima recalls. But she loves Sioux Falls now.”Thanksgiving reminds me of my country because that’s how we live there. It’s very social,” she says.”It’s hard that we don’t have any relatives here, but when we do this, the kids can see that this is our family.”


Vegetable Almond Rice Pilaf

(Hashwet Ruz)

1/2 cup olive oil

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 clove garlic, minced

1/2 teaspoon finely shredded fresh ginger

2 cups basmati rice

1 cup sweet peas, fresh or frozen

1 cup diced carrots, about 1/2-inch cubes, fresh or frozen

1/2 cup chopped dried cranberries

2 tablespoons finely chopped candied orange peels or orange marmalade

1/2 cup slivered almonds, toasted

1 teaspoon turmeric

dash of red pepper

sea salt to taste

Heat 1/4 cup olive oil and sautÈ onion for 4 minutes. Add garlic and ginger, then stir for 1 minute. Add 4 1/2 cups water, salt and turmeric and bring to a boil. Add rice and stir, returning mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Then turn off heat and rest on the stove for another 15 minutes.

While rice is resting, heat remaining olive oil on medium heat in a sautÈ pan. Add the vegetables, stirring for 2 minutes. Stir in cranberries and chopped orange peels or marmalade. Season with salt and red pepper, then cook another 2 minutes. Turn off heat and set aside. Spoon rice into deep serving platter, spoon vegetable mixture over the rice and sprinkle toasted almonds on top. Serves 6.

Editor’s Note: This story is revised from the November/December 2015 issue of South Dakota Magazine. To order a copy or to subscribe, call (800) 456-5117.

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Growing a South Dakotan

How do you grow a South Dakotan? We all want the children in our lives to grow up with a sense of place and pride. But nobody has ever published a”how to” guide on accomplishing such a goal. Finally the void has been filled. You’ll find such a guide in our Jan/Feb 2016 issue.

Our magazine staff began the task by recalling our own childhood experiences. Then we asked experts (anglers, cowboys, artists, rock hounds and a rattlesnake professor) to help. The result is a guide for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers and all adults who play important roles in young South Dakotans’ lives.

Much of the guide touches on ways to involve children with nature. We offer advice on best hikes, rock hunting, rattlesnake etiquette, and guides on how to identify South Dakota fish, trees and the most common cattle breeds.

Joel Vasek, a popular fishing guide from Geddes, tells how he engages children on a fishing trip. “Get them involved in some of the decisions,” he suggests. “We can catch fish on anything, so let them look through the tackle box and pick out a few lures. I also make sure the live well is accessible to them, and then I’ll ask them to check on the fish now and then.”

Are you familiar with”Hail, South Dakota,” our state song? That’s one of several cultural pieces we suggest are important to raising a South Dakotan. The song was written by DeeCort Hammitt of Alcester and adopted in 1947. He was the first director of the Alcester town band that performed for President Calvin Coolidge during his Black Hills vacation in 1927.

We also recommend a reading list and a compilation of art museums where they’ll find some of the most important works South Dakotans have created. And of course we suggest that kids learn about Badger Clark, our state’s first poet laureate who wrote the beloved poem “A Cowboy’s Prayer.”

We also solicited suggestions from the Reinhold family of Sturgis, operators of Rainbow Bible Ranch; Suzanne Hegg, the first executive director of the Children’s Museum in Brookings; and Steve Van Bockern, an education professor at Augustana University in Sioux Falls.

And we visited with Marla Bull Bear, director of the Native American Advocacy Program that hosts summer camps for youth at Milk’s Camp in Gregory County. Marla uses stories about nature to teach life lessons. At a recent camp, she and camp participants spooked a blue heron while taking a walk. That prompted her to tell the group a story of a heron that forgot it was a migratory bird. “It didn’t know its own history and forgot who it was,” she said. “It thought it could be a winter bird, but when the cold weather came it nearly froze to death because it was too proud and refused help.”

Like blue herons, it’s important for our youngsters to know their place. Our guide is a good start.

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You Can Go Home Again

There is much ado across the state about enticing young people who have left South Dakota in search of better opportunities to come back. Little is said about the older generations who know they can always come home.

A week or so ago, I saw a car full of people parked in the street. Some of them were getting out and cautiously, but obviously, inspecting my property from a respectable distance, and a few were taking photos of the house. Moments later, a neighbor from up the street stopped to talk to the small group, and I realized the lady standing on my sidewalk was Donna, the daughter of the couple who used to own this house. She grew up in my 100-year-old stucco.

Donna is celebrating her 75th birthday this year. In observance of the milestone, her daughters took her on a road trip across South Dakota from her home in Spearfish. They hadn’t planned to do more than drive by Donna’s childhood home in Colome. Having noticed a glimpse of this old house with its pumpkin-lined front stoop in a recent television commercial for an area utility company, they knew we were taking care of the place and just wanted to check in.

I was nervous when I went outside to greet them. June has been a busy month, and my housekeeping has lacked. With three dogs and a puppy door that allows them to run in and out as they please, dog hair and grit has become my norm. My home is lived in, not a showplace. But the moment Donna hugged me, I knew that it probably wouldn’t matter.

I started our tour in the backyard, where we have made the most changes. We chatted about her parents’ vegetable garden and where they used to burn trash. I remembered finding several old bottles in that spot when fiber optic work was completed. We stood under the branches of the large old cottonwood that no longer holds the swing that she and her daughters played on, but is now home to a nesting squirrel family each year. Donna admired our patio and flowers, and when she asked if we were happy here, I unequivocally said yes. As with any older home this house needs a lot of work, but I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

When we came inside, it was fun to listen to their family talk about the china hutch, the window seat and the bookshelves dividing the main living space of this Craftsman-style home. I learned that they also housed a piano in the nook by the front door and a vanity/dressing table in the small closet space off the bathroom. There were memories of baths in the claw foot tub, and giggles that the original wallpaper in the bedrooms we haven’t yet renovated was back in style. Ironically, the one part of the house that I am so desperate to change was something that seemed to spark such joy for Donna. We still have the original kitchen. She caressed my dirty countertops, and I could see the memories behind her eyes as she told me how her father had built and installed them.

I think Donna is pleased with the upkeep (regardless of the dust and dog hair) and our improvements. This will always be her home. I’m glad she feels she can come back to it and I’m honored to have been a small part of her birthday celebration. Her visit was a reminder that I am just a caretaker of this house. Someday, my relatives may be standing in the front yard taking photos and reminiscing as a new owner worries needlessly about dirt on the floors and dust on the coffee table. I hope they, too, are welcomed and able to share memories.

Recipes are a bit like old houses. We are the caretakers who make changes and improvements as time goes by, but we keep them alive by sharing. I found this recipe for Homemade Barbeque Sauce in my copy of the Colome Centennial Cookbook compiled by the Catholic Daughters. Donna submitted it as her mother’s recipe, and like her childhood home, I have made a few tweaks. The original was for basting and braising spareribs, but I brushed it on smoked baby back ribs. We loved its slightly sweet and tangy flavor. It was heartwarming to think about cooking a recipe in my kitchen that the previous family had made and enjoyed. Just like Donna, this sauce came home again.


Larsen’s Homemade Barbeque Sauce

(credited to Peggy Larsen)

1/2 cup ketchup (I used my home-canned from garden tomatoes, but I bet Peggy’s was Heinz.)

1/2 cup chili sauce

juice of one lemon

1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce

1/4 cup vinegar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon celery salt

1 teaspoon chili powder (I used Ancho Chili Powder for a slightly smoky flavor.)

1 teaspoon cumin (optional…this was my addition because we like that depth of flavor it adds)

1/2 cup chopped onion

Combine all ingredients in a small saucepan and simmer on low about 20 minutes, until the onion is tender and all flavors have melded.

Brush over smoked (or grilled) baby back ribs during the last bit of cooking. Be sure to offer extra sauce at the table for those who like their ribs saucy. Or, as the original recipe reads:”Cover spareribs with water and 1 onion and boil until tender, or if preferred, bake in the oven until tender. Pour sauce over meat and cook 15-20 minutes, basting often.”

Fran Hill has been blogging about food at On My Plate since October of 2006. She, her husband and their two dogs ranch near Colome.

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Built: A Generation

It begins in such an innocent and seemingly insignificant way. You see a cute girl at an event, your buddy Kevin introduces you and something sparks. You don’t really see it coming. You don’t realize that with that first phone call the seeds are laid for something bigger than you. This is how families begin, lives are created and communities are built.

You thought you were just trying to make-out with a cute girl! Three months later you own a diamond ring (briefly), and you’re calling the priest and reserving the church. You don’t see and didn’t realize that you were about to be part of a great work of humanity.

THEY WERE JUST LITTLE BUGGERS

Four times in the next nine years we visited our friend Dr. Bjordahl in the maternity room at the hospital in Webster. Each child’s story, already nine months in the writing by then, could fill pages of humor, struggle and pain all the way to that first breath and loving cry (by us, not them).

Over the years after that, each parent can recount the events, big and small, that made up each life’s story. You remember the birthday parties, first days of school, baptisms and confirmations and friendships made and lost as each child grew — unexpectedly — to adulthood.

The most common admonition young parents receive is to”enjoy them while they are young,” which falls on deaf ears. At that point, they’re coming every couple of years. You’re up to your elbows in the smells and feels of fresh diapers. They don’t let you sleep at night. They toss food all over your car, and your former sporty ride has become a distant memory next to the mini-van that is now a necessity. It’s true there was much to “enjoy,” but there didn’t appear to be any reason to see an end (or peace and quiet) in sight, that required you to appreciate it.

IT’S NOT AN ACCIDENT

It seems like happenstance, but it isn’t. Parenting is a vocation each person is called to. In the words of John Henry Newman:

God has created me to do some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which he has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connections between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do his work.

The vocation of parenting is summarized in our faith like this:

A child is a creature and a gift of God, which comes to earth through the love of his parents. True love does not desire a couple to be self-contained. Love opens up in the child. A child that has been conceived and born is not something “made”, nor is he the sum of his paternal and maternal genes. He is a completely new and unique creature of God, equipped with his own soul.

Admittedly, numb from lack of sleep, while feeding a screaming little one at 3 a.m., it is hard to grasp your place in the bigger scheme of creation. But to those to whom it matters most, the message eventually comes through clearly. I saw a friend’s daughter’s Facebook post recently that thanked her parents for enduring the struggles, staying together and raising her to adulthood. As I read that, I thought,”Dang, so that’s what this has been all about.”

SOMETHING CHANGED ALONG THE WAY

Long after you fell in love — over a decade later — things changed. The little buggers started making intelligent conversation! The acne-fighting, crooked-teeth, emotional roller-coaster kids were now talking about college and careers. They weren’t asking to be walked to the park any more. They actually wanted a bike, so they didn’t have to drive their cars all the time. They don’t empty the candy dishes any more, and they start thinking exercise is a good thing.

It’s like you blinked and the sippy cups were gone. Now there are adults walking around your kitchen.

YOU BUILT A GENERATION

Parents get forewarned. They start hearing from people that they will soon be”empty nesters,” and just like”enjoy them while they’re young” you don’t get it. It doesn’t sink in. It doesn’t make sense. You’ve got four babies. Nobody asked permission for them to grow up and be adults.

Then it happens. For us in one week we shipped the last three off to college. In eight days our life changed. For 27 years we built a family, nursed wounds, cleaned up after them, tried to teach them a little about right and wrong. Then it happened: they were adults. They had plans. They were gone.

I thought she was just a cute girl in a hallway. I didn’t know it would lead to that. Then we thought we were building a family, and we didn’t know it would lead to this. They’re gone, and it turns out we built a whole dang generation!

Enjoy them while they’re young.

Lee Schoenbeck grew up in Webster, practices law in Watertown, and is a freelance writer for the South Dakota Magazine website.